Frustration and anger

This isn't dog related so you may want to skip reading it. I just feel so angry at my son. I feel like he really isn't putting in the effort he should be at college. I cant make him want it, he has to want it for himself. I just don't know how to motivate him. Does he even know what we gave up to get him to this point? We use to live in Knoxville , Tn. I loved living there. It had everything I needed. I had friends. I loved my job. I worked in the recovery room of a children's hospital. I worked days 7am-1pm. On call once a week and then every 6th weekend. Do you know how great that is for a nurse? Plus it was a challenging job where I had to constantly use my brain. I would go to work and completely immerse myself for the next 6 hours. I had friends at work, that had the same interest as me. But my son wasn't learning at school. The one thing Knoxville didnt have was a school for kids with learning disabilities. And he wasnt learning in school. He had to fill out this paper in 3rd grade and it asked if you could have one wish what would it be? He said "to be smarter". Ugh, that killed me. He wasnt stupid he just didnt learn like everyone else. SO I felt like I needed to get him somewhere that they could help him. We started searching for schools for kids with learning disabilities. I found 3 that I liked and one happened to be here is South Carolina. Then my husband tired to get a job in one of those 3 cities. We landed here. My son needed a special school. He was in the third grade and couldnt spell "the". He couldnt remember what certain letters looked like, so they were taped to his desk. Most of all he wasnt learning. At the end of first grade he still couldnt read. I went to the dreaded "m" team meeting, now called IEP meetings. You would meet with the teachers, resource teacher, school psychologist and speech therapist ect... I hated those. Its where you go and they tell you all the bad things about your kid. He cant do this and he cant do that. When I talked to them about him not being able to read they said he couldnt learn phonics, he was going to have to learn sight word reading. ( the kid who couldnt remember what letters looked like). They also told me they didnt know what else to do for him. He was in resources and receiving special help in class and I had been paying a tutor since kindergarten. I constantly carried flash cards with me and we practice when we had down time. I finally took him to the psychiatrist that specialized in learning disabilities. He tested him and told me that Lou had Auditory dyslexia. He needed a special program to learn to read. He couldnt learn to read like most kids. A is a,a,a , apple. So I bought this program called auditory discrimination in depth. It taught phonics through tactile and visual stimulation. It broke all the constant sounds in to brother pairs. Like, "t" and "d". One is noisy and one is quiet. These two sounds were called tongue tappers. They had a picture with the mouth and the tongue touching the teeth. you would go thur this little conversation with your kid talking about and feeling the sound with your tongue and teeth. Then "P" and "B", they were lip poppers. They had a picture of a puff of air coming out of a mouth. You would have the kid say the sounds with his hand in front of his mouth to feel the air. One was noisy and one was quiet. There is a whole lot more to the program. Anyway we did this program everyday, twice a day, every where we went. Vacation, Christmas friends houses,ect. Everyday no matter what. And guess what, he learned to read. It was an amazing program but it was hard for me to first learn and then teach Lou. But it worked. He is an amazing reader, even today. He loves to read. But it didnt help him learn in school. So we moved to Columbia ,South Carolina. We spent thousands of dollars on elementary school. But he was learning. By the end of the first year and knew the letters and could write completely in cursive. No more letters attached to his desk. When it was time to go to 6th grade they felt he was ready to go back to regular school. So he did. Again, he needed lot of help. Me reteaching the material when he would come home. But school wise things were going well. In high school I was able to back off some. He did need help in chemistry. After work I would come home and listen to the tape of the class lecture. And then reteach the information to him myself. Ugh, that was horrible ( for me). I didnt want to listen to a class lecture after work. But I sucked it up and did it. Because it was necessary.The last year of high school he did it all himself. I didnt get involved at all. My kid has no idea of the sacrifices I did to try to help him be successful. I just wanted him to have an education. And he is blowing it! It so depressing. I just want to shake him, "Do you know what you doing? ". So thats my rant. Im sorry, I just needed to get that off my chest. Im so frustrated!