Im not sure what is going on with me. Maybe Im having a nervous breakdown, I dont know. I just want to quit every thing. My job, agility, parenting ect... Ive never felt like this before. I dont know what is causing it. I feel like all I do is tic people off and I dont mean to. Parents are mad I cant get their kids free glasses or give them medication because they tell me to over the phone.
I sent an email to the ultrasound doctor. I didnt think it was offensive but I think it must have been by her reply. I sent another email saying I was sorry and I didnt mean to be offensive. She didnt respond.
Stephanie only wants to go to PRAT in NYC. And no matter how much I tell her we dont have that kind of money, she just keeps on. And wont go look at other colleges. I dont know what Im going to do. I just cant take it anymore.
Im tired of fixing things, mending things , working on things. What the point? People just get mad. And its not just today. It happens alot. I use to have this friend that I did agility with all the time. One day I went to her house and she was kinda in a mood. I should have just gone home. Everything I did was wrong. Finally I did go home. Then next day she sent me an email that she was sorry she was making me mad. Well , that of course made me mad because I thought, "she knew she was making me mad?". So after several emails back and forth, that was then end of the friendship. No one said anything mean ,that I remember, but both parties had their feeling hurt.
Im not sure what to do about any of this. I really dont have any friends so it must be me. I always thought I was a nice person but I guess not. I just tic everyone off. Im just so tired. I think I just always act like I have it all undercontrol and dont need any help so no one helps. My sister gets a flat tire, 10 people stop. I get a flat tire and change it myself. Not that I mind but it would be nice if sometimes someone offered to help. My whole life has been an up hill battle. Im tired of fighting. I cant do it anymore.
O yea. My fibromyalgia pain is out of control. Everyday for the last two weeks has been really bad. Its an achy feeling like you are getting the flu but you never get the flu. It doesnt matter if you lie down in bed. It doenst make it go away so whats the point. If I take the medication it makes me so tired that I dont feel like doing anything. So I have no pain but cant do anything anyway. Then trying to get through the work day being so tired sucks.
Im sorry to keep having negative blog post. Maybe I should stop for a while until I have something good to say.
Wordless Wednesday
2 days ago
14 comments:
Oh Diana, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I think when you are in physical pain, it effects the rest of your life more than you realize. You don't have the energy to deal with all the things life throws at you.
For what its worth, I think you're a nice person. You've always been supportive & kind toward me. I'm sure many people feel the same way.
Hang in there.
Boy I am so sorry you are having all of this.....I know what you mean though...I have been in a funk feeling just like that for awhile, I used to be very popular esp in my dog club and felt I had lots of friends and I do not know if it is because I am getting older and not willing to just go along and do what everyone else wants me to do, or because I just dont always feel I have time to beat around the bush all the time, and so I say what I think, or if I am just turning into a cranky old lady but gosh some days it feels so lonely and out of control. I hear you on that count. Maybe everyone eventually goes through this???? If they do it doesnt seem like most people will talk about it though... Last weekend after there was this particularly couple of nasty people at the trial I just felt like I would like to quit agility and just sit at home and play with my puppies sometimes the rest of it can be a lot to handle.
The pain you are having can not be helping, chronic pain just drags and zaps so much strength, have you talked to your doctor about maybe seeing a pain specialist or tried some more uncomventional things like massage, or accpuncture?
Hang in there, I for one really admire and respect the person you are and wish you lived closer, you are a great mom, a great nurse, a great trainer a great dog mom ((HUGS))
Oh Diana...you sound so overwhelmed. I can see how being a mother and a nurse can be just so much work. And you don't feel appreciated at work or at home. That's hard to handle. And right now, the beginning of school and the extra project you have is a big job.
So you maybe need to give yourself a break. Maybe let something go (hopefully not us! LOL!). Maybe you need a family meeting so that you can delegate some of the home responsibilities. At least talk with your husband about how you're feeling. When you add in the fibromyalgia it's just too much.
And maybe you do need to schedule an appointment to talk to a professional about your feelings. That worked for me. Somewhat anyway. You really need someone to help you work through all this so you can stop feeling bad about yourself. Cause it's NOT YOU!!!
And don't forget you still have us! Even though we're far away we do care about you. So let us know how you're doing. The blog doesn't all have to be sweetness and light; life isn't that way and this blog represents your life.
I hope I'm not over-commenting...I just care a lot that you don't feel you're alone.
So sorry you're feeling like this. I know what you feel like. If I followed your advice at the bottom and only posted when I had something good to say, I wouldn't have a blog. That's one of the issues that I'm having with training - everyone says not to train if you're not in a good mood. So what happens if you're just never in a good mood? Never train?
I know what you mean about the constant struggling. I was discussing it with someone. They said that line about, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I think I'm strong enough, thanks. I don't need any more strengthening. I think after a certain point, it makes you weaker. At least that's how it feels.
Sorry I don't have any good uplifting advice. I haven't found any that works. But I do feel exactly like how you feel. You're definitely not alone there.
I know it doesn't really count since I'm just a stranger online, but you haven't ticked me off. If anything, I feel like I bother you by leaving you comments that you don't care to read.
Hope you start feeling better soon, with both the fibromyalgia and everything else. Let the dogs make you smile.
I think your entire mood stems from your fibromyalgia!
It is a know cause of depression, I have not been diagnosed yet , still waiting almost a year for my appt. with a specialist!, but from what I have read it is a major cause of depression.
Don't beat yourself up, just take it one day at a time, take a break, go for a nap, go to a massage therapist to help manage the pain...
you're not alone :)
You don't have to apologize for your post. I just wish I had some remedy for your situation. Hopefully you'll get some relief soon!
Don't apologize for writing anything on your own blog. It sounds like you are having a horrible week and sometimes just putting it in writing helps.
I feel for you; I feel the same way sometimes so you are not alone.
Hugs, Bernadette and the shelties
PS my husband went to Pratt before it was turned only into an Art College. It used to be an Engineering University as well.
Hi Diana, this is life, there is always something that will upset us no matter how hard we tried. Everyone is different and we always aim for a better life. I was once like you now, tried so hard to achieve everything to make it better and yet I lost everything!
I am quite independent, I do things on my own, people thinks I am tough, I can handle things myself but I do like help. I always think no one understands me ...
Life still goes on. Just think of how much your dogs love you, the things you do together to have a lot of fun, those lovely walks, those lovely photos you have taken, that will make you feel better.
Chin up, we love you!
Hi Diana,
I hope today is a better day. My niece and nephew (13 & 17) have arthritis and living with chronic pain, like fibro, can really wear you down.
For me personally, I have found therapy during stressful situations to be very helpful.
I hope things look up soon.
I'm Sorry MOMMY!!! I LOVE YOU ! :)
Sorry you're having such a crappy time. I agree with the others, yeah physical pain can soooo affect the rest of your life. And also, it's your blog... if you can't vent here, where are you supposed to vent????
Can't help much about Miley or the job, but I can tell you that when I was 18, I wanted to be anything BUT a veterinarian. I wanted to go to a small, private school, but wound up going to UConn because my parents couldn't afford the school I wanted. Then I ended up in vet school. All 4 years there, I had NO interest in working on dogs and cats, just large animals. Then graduation came, and one thing led to another and now I'm working in a small animal exclusive practice... and loving it. At one point or another, I was 100% against the career choice I have now, but I wouldn't change either of my educational/ professional choices, not for a second!!! Not saying that she's going to end up a doctor if she goes where you want her to, but what I'm saying is that "things happen for a reason." I hate that saying, but it's true. There's plenty of time left in the year for her decide where to go, but remind her to keep an open mind because not everyone's path is straight and clear at 18 years old.
Oh Diana! Life comes in waves and can certainly suck when one smacks you. Hang in there! We're cheering for ya!
Yes, chronic pain makes the small things so much harder. It contributes to stress. Unfortunately, science shows that stress can increase chronic pain. It's a tough cycle to get a handle on but if you can find something that can tackle some of the pain and stress, I'd find a way to do it! For me, that's running. Massage and other therapies work for some folks.
Alright, I was the daughter who wanted to go to a private school and refused to look at other colleges =) I ended up going to the private school and paying with a lot of loans. (There are plenty of private student loan companies who will probably be happy to give your daughter all the money she needs...for better or for worse). So, she can probably find the money.
BUT...the tricky part is trying to have the forward thinking of what it's going to mean when she comes out on the other side in that much debt. Unfortunately, I seemed oblivious to this until I graduated and it hasn't been fun. If there's a way to encourage your daughter to look at the debt numbers, (how much will her monthly student loan payment be when she graduates and will she be able to support that with an entry level job?) maybe she'd be more willing to at least look elsewhere. ???
I hope your day is better today!!
Oh Diana, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I really know how you feel. My daughter would ONLY go to Seattle Pacific, which is pricey. We compromised with her and paid what the cost of a state-run 4 year school and she had to get loans to pay the rest. Right now I am going thru more stuff with my son, that I really don't want to even talk about, and my tinnitus is off the scale. Plus we ran out of money for the kitchen and we still haven't bought the floor. My husband says we will just have to wait. But there is really no floor in there except a scrap of 50 year old linoleom and the backing from some other old floor. Yuck. Life just sucks sometimes, doesn't it?
Diane
Blogging is good therapy!
Sorry things are tough for you right now (and being in chronic pain doesn't help). I have a daughter too and can definitely relate to what you are going through with yours.
One thing I have found to be good for me when life seems overwhelming is agility! Doesn't matter if it's an NQ weekend. Agility lets us forget our "real" lives and play with out dogs.
Hang in there!
Post a Comment